when....

when does enough become enough? when do the attitudes, the catty-ness the loneliness the feeling that something is wrong...when does it all become enough. talking doesnt work, crying and arguing dont get the point across. even praying has seemed to not pull thru the way ive expected. when does it all become to much to deal w. or when am i suppose to get to the point where i dont wanna deal with it anymore. i dont wanna hear the attitudes or the bitchy ness. i dont want to argue. i dont want to have to pray about it. im tired of crying and going to sleep feeling sad depressed and some other type of way. what happened to the little things? what happened to when she would call or text me out of the blue to tell me she loves me and how much she loves me and why she loves me; just becuz its a monday or a thursday ...with no reason other then to put a smile on my face. what happened to telling me a certain song reminds her of me. or even if your "so tired" to still give me 15minutes to ask how my day was, what i did, how i felt and if there was something on my mind....regardless if you feel like you talked to me throughout the day or not. what happened to the little things. what happened to the soft tone you used to talk to me with. i dont like this new harsh (or in your words "normal" tone). i miss the old times. i miss the ways we used to be. its like we can either be really happy or just wanna chop each other head off. why isnt there a middle.? why does it always have to feel like a battle w. you or something extra. why is it that i go to sleep lately feeling like theres something wrong with me? why cant we ever have a open and honest conversation about how we feel or abt what might be going on without it leading to cursing, yelling, attitudes or you tryna blow it off by saying w.e. or ok breeana.?

and i dont want you to read this (if you ever will even read it) and think that im attacking you. or assume that this is suppose to mean something or that im unhappy becuz thats not the case. im just writing this all out, to get it all out of me so that maybe i can have some piece of mind about this situation instead of having it in the back of my mind or weighing heavily on my mood. i cant keep walking around like this, i cant keep letting this consume my thoughts. just because you can walk around and pretend like things dont bother you or like you dont have feelings doesnt mean that i am suppose to feel that way. i just hope everynight that we can get to a point where we can dig deep and find out what is causing this rift. becuz this is not how its always been. we cant bring outside problems into our relationship. being together is suppose to be our safe-space not an extra headache. smh
i love you.