the power of words

do people stop and think about the power of words? how something can effect someone so easily?

untitled

ive been in this for 7months now. giving it all i can and sometimes i feel like she shit on me ohde hard. she dont see how much i give this relationship or how much i love her. she dont understand that i support her and that i want the best for her. the best for us. it hurt my heart to see her the way she is. smfh its crazy. but i cant entertain it. she want a pity party. wanna get advice from people who dont do shit for her life. they just unimportant voices. nah she shits on me. im 17. work two jobs and go to school. i think of everything to try to help. i want us to have a good life. i want to make her happy nd at first it may work. but then she take it and she throw it in my face. make that shit look sloppy. how can i make her see how good she have it? yea she not in the most perfect situation. fuck, none of us are. but there must be something abt [my] situation that make her think this type of life is the shit. it rly isnt. she say she wanna get hit by a bus when she walking outside. i think thats pathetic. u think death is better than this. death isnt better than anything. theres a reason youre here. you have a purpose. nd how u expect shit to just come to u. NOTHING WORKS THAT WAY! wake up, smell the air, and realize that what uu have is great. u have life, u have love. be happy.

Up

In bed. Waiting up for her to call me. Altho im getting tired. She
always tell me "if ur sleepy go 2 sleep, ill just call so we can sleep
together". But she never calls. Nd she knows I hate going to sleep
without her. I don't sleep right. Smh. I called her 4 times; 10:33 10:34
10:50 10:51. Nd no answer. I text her. No reply. I aim her no aim
response. Finally she answer when I call next. Ofcourse ha phone on
vibrate, I HATE that. She knows it smh. I hate waiting. Why she cudnt
talk 2me. All she was doing was walkin home. So what ha phone was gunna
die. Ohwell. Smh I have issues. I think my parents dropped me a few
times. I always want her. I wanna talk, live breathe miss love her. And
I hate when things come btwn that. I just want it 2 be me nd her. I try
to keep busy. Working all day make it easier. But times like this, I
want her most. Nd why she always call me so late! Idc on the wkends but
during wkdays I wanna get some type of rest. But then she's like "ok I
just won't call u". Like how u say something like that to me? So I stay
up. I do things to keep me up. So that I can hear her voice. So I can go
2 sleep with a smile on my face. Smh. The things I do for love.

Goodbye 2009

Goodbye 2009.
2009 was a year for me. If ya only new half of it. I finished junior yr,
became an official senior, made friends upstate, celebrated my bDay with
my upstate crew. Had a crush, the crush hurt my feelings. Saw an old
friend. Met someone new Moved back to the city, fell in love, had an
amazing summer, got kicked out my crib for a week -__-. Grew. Began
senior yr at a NEW SCHOOL. I cut, I cried, I drank I reflected. I said
goodbye to that old friend. it went frm a relationship to commitment; to
foreverr btwn us. I learned, I forgave, I hurt. I went to see my dad in
ATL. I got my brother back. I became an aunt again (that's suppose 2 be
a secret) lol. I got a job =). I laughed. I lived. 2009 was a goodyear.
I've had worse. But im rdy for it 22 be over. Just a few more days u
know. Im waiting for 2010. Alots in store. Graduating. My bDay. Making
1yr with my love. Starting culinary skool. Moving out. Meeting new ppl.
Fixing the friendships that matter, cutting off the ones I don't. I
never make new year resolutions, there so wack. Im gunna be myself. Ima
step in2 my beauty. I wanna model. I wanna make more art. I wanna
inspire someone. Nd I will. Goodbye 2009. Im off to make the blueprint
for a wonderful 2010. Im ready =)

=)

--breeananicole_33

Going home

On the 6train heading to grandcentral so I can switch to the express.
Going home. I've had a long day I don't wanna deal. Im not tired tho. Im
relaxed, at ease. Im looking around at different people on the train
(which I rarely do cuz I hate when people look at me) but im doing
something a little different today. Plus, these people will never see me
again right? I wonder where they come from. If they have good lives,
nice jobs, great friends. If they're cat people or have shoe addictions.
I wonder if they know how to love. Its funny. Someone once told me, _"u
never know a persons story" and its true. I know people who smile
everyday but cry everynight. U look at them, think they're preety nd
have things rather easily. I wonder if people think im preety. I wonder
if they think I have it easy. Shit sometimes I do have it easy. They
probably think I have a preetyboy boyfriend. I don't. I have a
wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. Scratch that. Wife. I wonder how many
people on this train (btw im on the 6 now) have a problem with
homosexuality. It wud make me laugh. I think people judge too much. They
judge color, sexuality, fashion choice, music decisions everything. I do
it too. Everyone does it. I think we're all ignorant. There's nomore
creativity. There's nothing new. This is just a free blog. I always have
so much in my head idk where else to put it but here.
--breeananicole_33

RAWR!

"Act
on your impulse,
swallow the bottle,
cut a little deeper,
put the gun to your chest."
— Ellen Hopkins

Now im on some bipolar shit
So my eyeliners running smh. But idc im looking normal hair tied up and
all that good shit. Anywayy. There are times I think how it wuld be if I
wasn't here. RIP Breeana it was nice knowing ya lol. But nah seriously.
I wonder who wuld care? Like fareal im no1 special. I don't make
millions, I don't save children in Africa, I haven't discovered a cure
for illness so why wuld someone care? What mark have I left? I have
someone who loves me and I love her back; unconditionally but is that
it? Is my legacy left to just her? Friends, I don't have em. Them
mothafuckers turn they back on uu cuz they get ah man. But still hit me
up like "Bree I miss u". Yea right Bitch. Yea I said it. BITCH!. People
wonder why im so standoffish. NO1S worth my words. Im taking everything
to a next level. In my head atleast. Yea I have dreams, yea I want great
things, and ill have all of those things. ill have materials, so many
materials. Money can make me happy _"fuck what u talkn bout.". People
say im weird. That im confusing. Im rly not. Im just always in my head.
But shit I wuldnt miss me. I've lied, I've been selfish. I shitt on the
people who try 2 help my life. Except for her. I love her 2 much. She
love me too much I can't do that. Plus I know shell fuck me up lmao. Nd
I can't hurt her. I WILL NEVER HURT Her. I will never amount to the
other girls who fucked with her heart. How culd u hurt someone like
that? She's so perfect. Stupid bitches. U can't stab ur own heart out.
WTF. but it all come back 2 her. I wonder how she wuld feel knowing im
dead. Never coming back to her, my love. The only person who look at me
and think im beautiful.. I've cut. I carved so much shit in my skin u
cud read it. 35 lines on my body wanna come find them? Nd I loved the
drugs. Nd the drinking. I was such a MESS! But it was fun. Fun fun fun.
Fun that culd have gotten me dead. Or locked up. Im ranting. Smh
probably cuz im tired. Good luck to whoeverr read this. I LOVE SASHA!.
BANG.
--breeananicole_33

Love

"To love someone deeply gives you strength. being loved by someone
deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu

Before her, id never been in love. I never felt as though I cudnt be
without a person, like it could be possible for another being to
complete u. When I think abt it I didn't care abt my exs, they were
replacable for me. But I met her. And I love her. Everysong reminds me
of her, every thought is around her. I feel like id been searching nd
finally found exactly what I been looking for. And this love scares me.
This isn't friendship or family. This is completely self- indulgence,
addicting love. I've seen what true love can do to a person. I've seen
how dark nd depressed nd empty someone can become becuz of what love
does. Nd I hope with every bone in my little body that love will never
do that to me. I want good love, I want happy love. I love sasha kelly
with my heart. Nd I may not have a perfect heart and I may not be a
perfect person but ill give her everything. All my time, all my
imperfections, all my energy becuz I love her. And that's what good love
does to u.
--breeananicole_33

new job

so its the first day at my new job as the assistant to an assistant. its preety cool and laid back. i like my office and the view is preety nice. i have lots of work to do but this chair is so comfy. besides that im also in the middle of being on twitter lol with a very old friend. well now we're seeming to become friends again. its kinda cool that we're talking again shes a really good person. i think this will end up being the "happiest" seeming blog i will ever right lol.