commitment

Being in a relationship is the hardest thing a person can do in their lifetime. To give you time, love and dedication to a person is like a job. I think every1 in a relationship should get some type of compensation at the end of each month to congradulate us on achieving something so difficult. Don't get me wrong, relationships are also benificial. To receive love from another person is a great feeling. Knowing that someone loves and cares for you, does something to you. Does something good to your soul. But momma always told me "all that glitters isn't gold". For every hug there is a argument. For every kiss there are mean words thrown around. For every handhold there is tears and hurt and defeat. There are pros and cons to any relationship. Being in a relationship means giving another person the power to make or break you. It gives the other person the power to destroy you. Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to continue down the road of a relationship. I love my girlfriend. Love everything from her dreads to her smile to the weird way she laughs and the sad way she cries. But I don't want her to break me. Its seems that more lately we have not been on the same page. A lot of arguments and attitudes covered up by sex and silence. I hate it. I hate ignoring everything or hate when I speak and she doesn't understand me. I hate her not for nothing attitudes and her crankiness and bitterness. I lothe the way she takes her frustration and anger out on me but can be a pleasant little butterfly to every1 else. Even now I hate how I traveled all the way to brooklyn to spend time with her and she has the nerve to be sleeping right now. Completely ignoring me like I'm just a speck of dust that has no meaning. Smh I'm so upset. I'm so upset at always being upset. I'm tired and I feel defeated. I'm depressed and she isn't helping to make me better. And it bothers me cause she keep putting this 1 bitch in my business. Telling her everything about me or everything that has to do with me like fuck is on that bitch biscut why she can't mind her business!?! I know people who've had 2, 3 and 4 year relationships and they just fall apart. How can you love someone on Monday and Tuesday comes and you can't stand them. How can you totally switch you're feelings for a person. I don't get it. But then I know people who've been in relationships with a person for years and they still, everyday, every minute love the person. Nothing has changed but the amount of love they share for each other. I look at those people with a "wtf o_O" look. Idk how they do it. Instead of teaching science in schools, they need to teach "how toi survive your relationship and make it work 101". I would definitaely take that class. Idk how to go on with this blog. Am I supposed to be saying its a blog?! Oh w.e its my blog I can say what I want. I wonder if other people feel the same way I do. I don't wanna break up with her, I love her and I wanna be with her. But how can I make things perfect so its easier to be with her.