A thought

Tonight, my girlfriend made a very good point.
We were on date night in BBQs having dinner and randomly talking and
laughing. Idk how we got on the topic but I remember saying "both our
dads seem to not want us". In my mind I thought that maybe it wud sadden
her nd in my own heart I felt a little weakened by it but her response
to me was along the lines of "why do I need to fight for his attention".
She's absolutely right. Both of our dads decided to change on us once
they got remarried nd its like now we're tryna prove ourselves worthy
for them. My girlfriend gave up on that fight along time ago. I
continued to fight but a few months ago I guess I stopped. I always had
my dad around he was my bestfriend. But after he remarried a lot
changed. For years he tried to balance his new life with me nd for
sometime I seemed to win. But once his wife INSISTED on them moving
downsouth, she won that war. The last time I saw my dad was August when
I spent a whole month with him in Atlanta.after that we spoke but we
stopped once he went to far nd said some mean things to my gf. Think
what u want abt that last sentence but if u knew the entire situation u
wud clearly agree with me. Any caring parent wud try to reach out nd fix
things but,, not my dad. When I was with him, I wud look at him
sometimes. To me he was still my dad nd I was still his little buddy but
now it doesn't feel that way. A lot I feel myself wanting to cry becuz I
feel like he's gunna miss out on great events of my life. Like my senior
graduation nd prom nd my 18th bday in a few months. Or most importantly
when I get married. I thought that I cud always fit in his life but why
do I have to fight someone to stay somewhere. Obviously he doesn't wanna
be in my life, or he just wants to be when its easy for him. Smh.
Sometimes i wish I didn't have a dad. Like I didn't know him at all.
Atleast I wudnt have a person to miss, or memories in my mind. Maybe I
wasn't a good enough daughter. Maybe im not preety enough or I didn't
laugh enough as a kid. Maybe my passion for creativity killed it. I
wonder if I wanted a kid who could just fit in nd be normal. Like not
have so many issues. Maybe my illness ruined it. Like maybe he cut
himself off a long time ago so that it wudnt hurt if I left.
Unfortunately im better now nd he doesn't know how to cut back in. I
wonder if he even wants to cut back in. I can't believe that one thing
my love said sparked all these ideas in my head. But she was absolutely
right. I shouldn't have to fight becuz I didn't ask for this. But when
all u know is the fight, how do u make yourself walk away?
--breeananicole_33